Chronic Illness & Romantic Relationships

Having a romantic relationship while having a chronic illness can be extremely difficult. It takes a very strong person to be able to handle a partner with any kind of chronic illness. I have had both good and bad relationships. When I was 15 I met a boy in high school and we became best friends and shortly after we started dating. We spent almost everyday together, and then I got very sick. In the year of 2008, my kidney disease went into full blown kidney failure. I had to have my kidneys removed, and start dialysis right away. I spent a very long time in the hospital, and I was very ill when I first started dialysis. For an entire year, I was very weak, and I vomited everyday. I couldn't keep any food down and I couldn't even sit up in bed. My ex boyfriend wanted to do things. He wanted to go out, and I couldn't. Eventually it caused us to break up and go our separate ways. When you're in a relationship and one of you is able bodied and the other is chronically ill, it can create some tension in the relationship. After that relationship I decided to stay single for awhile and just focus on me and my health.

A few years after deciding to remain single, I met a man through mutual friends. We started talking and hanging out with our group of friends, and eventually started hanging out alone. **The first time we hung out alone, I had started a new medication that day, and I threw up in his car! I was absolutely  humiliated! I had him bring me home right away. Wouldn't you know he texted me a few minutes later checking to make sure I'm okay, and asked if we could hang out again sometime soon. At that moment I knew he was the perfect man. From the very beginning of our relationship, I was completely and 100% honest with him about my illness. I explained how bad it can get, and that some days I have good and bad days.

In May of 2015 I had to have surgery on my dialysis access to create a new path for my access. They had to give me antibiotics before surgery, so they started it about a half hour before I went back for surgery. It was an antibiotic that I have had more than a dozen times. It is called Vancomycin. They continued the medication while wheeling me back to the OR and had given me the first set of anesthesia. I started to fall asleep, and shortly after that my nurse who was prepping me for surgery noticed that I wasn't breathing well. My chest was very wheezy and my breathing was very shallow. Everything happened so quickly. My heart ended up stopping for 25 minutes and my anesthesiologist did CPR on me the entire time. Eventually my heart started up again and they immediately put me on a ventilator, started me on very powerful drugs to keep me comfortable, but not quite in a drug induced coma. I was sent up to the ICU and stayed there for about 4 days. Chris and my mom were with me that day, and my doctor pulled them aside and told them what happened. My doctor told both of them that he wasn't sure if I'd wake up, or if when I did wake up, if I would have any brain damage. Chris stayed with me the entire time I was in the hospital. We joke about it now, but I always say "If he didn't leave me when I died on him, I think I've locked him in." He was ready and willing to stay with me even if I did have brain damage. At that point I knew he was the most wonderful man I had ever met, and I just want to spend the rest of my life with him.

May 14 2016 was Chris and my 3 year anniversary. We didn't have much to do that day and we didn't make any plans, so he ended up coming over later in the day. He arrived at my house with a dozen red roses and a wrapped present. I put the roses in a vase with water right away, and went to open my present. At this point we were in the kitchen, and when I started to open it he said "No wait, go in the living room where your mom is." We went and sat down on the couch and I opened my present, and it was a picture book that read "The Story Of Us" and had pictures of us throughout our relationship with special lyrics under the pictures. The last page was quite a special surprise! It read "Andrea, Will You Marry Me?" With a photo of my engagement ring! I was absolutely shocked! No one had expected him to propose. The first thing I said was "Really? Are you serious?" All while crying my eyes out. When I looked up at him he was holding my ring. I took it from him and put it right on my finger. He eventually asked me "So, is that a yes?" And I said "Of course it's a yes!" And jumped on him crying and hugging and kissing him. We are getting married!

Through all of my health problems and all the crap I put him through emotionally with my health problems, he still loves me. He still chose me. He chose to be with me forever. If that isn't a stand up guy I don't know what is. And for that, I will love him forever and always.

I've dated my fair share of guys who just couldn't handle my health problems. They just didn't understand and started to back away when things got hard. I'm a firm believer of being completely upfront and honest with people about my illness, so I've always told anyone who tried to be in a relationship with me the good and the bad things. Most of them ran away quite quickly, and some of them were just very intrigued, but not ready for that kind of commitment. Finding someone who is willing to take on a "sick person" in a relationship is hard, but it's also very selfless. Hell, it's hard in general to find the right person, but it is doubly as hard when you're sick. I got extremely lucky to find Chris. He is quite older than me, and I believe that's why we get along so well. When you've been sick as long as I have, you tend to grow up very quickly.

We do have a date in mind for our wedding, and it's not until 2018. We don't want to have to rush to plan everything, and who knows, maybe I'll get the call for a kidney transplant before then!

Thank you all for reading! I hope I have inspired people to keep looking for that perfect special someone. It CAN happen! 😊

Chronic Illness & Body Image

Almost everyone I have met in the Chronic Illness community has had some sort of bad body image. Self esteem is devastatingly low. I have always had body image issues. When I was little, I would fill up with fluid and end up having severe edema, all because my kidneys weren't letting my body rid of the fluid. My eyes would get so swollen that I had to face upwards, and try to look under my eyelids. On top of the fluid retention from my kidney disease, I was also on high doses of the drug from Satan, Predisone. Prednisone is indeed a wonder drug. It's prescribed for almost every illness out there. It may be a wonder drug, but the side effects are the worst I've ever encountered. I will list some of the side effects below.

🔹The signature "moon face"
🔹Brittle bones
🔹Arthritis
🔹Gaining weight exceptionally quick
🔹Very large appetite
🔹Change in emotions; causing depression & mood swings

I think you get the point. Anyway, I was on Prednisone when I was first diagnosed. I was on it for 12+ years, and on really high doses (I've gone over 100mg). I was very large in my tween & teen years. I HATED my body. I got bullied often because I was overweight, and no one cared to find out what I was really going through. I went through my stages of depression and self harm, and I hid it from everyone for years. All of this because of my poor self esteem.
I'd go through stages where I would lose weight for a couple of weeks, and gain it all back. Which resulted in very large, deep stretch marks on my ribs and stomach. They used to bother me so much, I refused to change in front of anyone, I'd wear larger T-Shirts so they didn't lift if I raised my arms, and let's not even talk about Summer time. All of this changed one Summer when I went to Kidney Camp. I met a girl there who was on PD dialysis (she had a large catheter in her abdomen to perform dialysis) and she had stretch marks on her legs, back and stomach. Well, she was brave enough to wear a bikini in front of everyone. You might think since it was Kidney Camp, that everyone there would have been understanding, right? WRONG. People made fun of her for her stretch marks and she ended up going back to the cabin crying. Me and some of the other girls followed her back and tried to comfort her. I ended up taking my shirt off to show her my stretch marks, and I told her "Look at them like trophies. You have these marks that tell a story. They prove how strong you are and how much your body has gone through". After that, I didn't look at my stretch marks or scars as if they were bad. They ARE my trophies. They DO tell a story. I have stretch marks, surgery scars, and self harm scars.

I still get upset about my fluctuating weight. I am back on Prednisone now so I am noticing my body change. My face is a little rounder, and I am retaining a little more fluid strictly because of the Prednisone. I'm not happy with it at all, but I do have to remember this is only temporary.

Poor body image, obviously, can happen to anyone. And it can be from anything. Being overweight, underweight, scars from surgery, scars from self harm, stretch marks, anything! I shouldn't have been afraid to tell my bullies what I was going through, but I was. I hope this will help motivate anyone dealing with chronic illness to confront their bullies, and explain why some things are the way they are.

Thank you for reading! I'll be writing again soon, so be sure to check back!

First, A Little About Me

My name is Andrea, and I'm brand new to this whole blogging thing so bear with me here! I'm starting this blog to share my medical story and hopefull inspire and help others with chronic illness.

I just turned 25 on May 16th. I have a kidney disease called Focal Segmental Glumerisclerosis (FSGS for short). However, the beginning of my story is a bit complicated. When I was 2 years old, my mom went to put my shoes on and noticed my feet were very swollen. At the time she thought it was an allergic reaction. She took me to the doctor to see what it may be. They ended up doing a urine test, and saw my kidneys were leaking too much protein in my urine. Spilling protein in your urine basically removes all the protein from the rest of your body. It depletes your energy, makes your bones brittle and causes severe fluid retention (AKA Edema). My doctor then told my mom "You need to take her to the ER immediately, and so she did. I was later diagnosed with a disease called Nephrotic Syndrome. I was the first case in Bushkill Pennsylvania in 15 years, and no one knew how to treat it. My kidneys just kept spilling protein and I would get so swollen with fluid that I could hardly see. My eyes would swell shut, and when it got really bad, my legs would split open and would leak fluid.

That's the beginning of my chronic illness story. Aside from the medical aspect of my life, I have an amazing group of friends who are more like family, and I have a wonderful immediate family that I love dearly. I am engaged to a wonderful man, who loves me despite all of my medical issues, and puts up with my mood swings. My support system is very large, and I am extremely blessed for that. I live in a very small town in Pennsylvania, and I grew up in the Poconos. Im hoping my blog telling my story and sharing my trials and triumphs will help other people. I want to try and document everything I possibly can.

There is a lot more to my story, and I'll get to it all eventually. Today I just wanted to introduce myself for a little. I'm a very open person, so if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Thanks for reading! Keep coming back to see more!