Chronic Illness & Romantic Relationships

Having a romantic relationship while having a chronic illness can be extremely difficult. It takes a very strong person to be able to handle a partner with any kind of chronic illness. I have had both good and bad relationships. When I was 15 I met a boy in high school and we became best friends and shortly after we started dating. We spent almost everyday together, and then I got very sick. In the year of 2008, my kidney disease went into full blown kidney failure. I had to have my kidneys removed, and start dialysis right away. I spent a very long time in the hospital, and I was very ill when I first started dialysis. For an entire year, I was very weak, and I vomited everyday. I couldn't keep any food down and I couldn't even sit up in bed. My ex boyfriend wanted to do things. He wanted to go out, and I couldn't. Eventually it caused us to break up and go our separate ways. When you're in a relationship and one of you is able bodied and the other is chronically ill, it can create some tension in the relationship. After that relationship I decided to stay single for awhile and just focus on me and my health.

A few years after deciding to remain single, I met a man through mutual friends. We started talking and hanging out with our group of friends, and eventually started hanging out alone. **The first time we hung out alone, I had started a new medication that day, and I threw up in his car! I was absolutely  humiliated! I had him bring me home right away. Wouldn't you know he texted me a few minutes later checking to make sure I'm okay, and asked if we could hang out again sometime soon. At that moment I knew he was the perfect man. From the very beginning of our relationship, I was completely and 100% honest with him about my illness. I explained how bad it can get, and that some days I have good and bad days.

In May of 2015 I had to have surgery on my dialysis access to create a new path for my access. They had to give me antibiotics before surgery, so they started it about a half hour before I went back for surgery. It was an antibiotic that I have had more than a dozen times. It is called Vancomycin. They continued the medication while wheeling me back to the OR and had given me the first set of anesthesia. I started to fall asleep, and shortly after that my nurse who was prepping me for surgery noticed that I wasn't breathing well. My chest was very wheezy and my breathing was very shallow. Everything happened so quickly. My heart ended up stopping for 25 minutes and my anesthesiologist did CPR on me the entire time. Eventually my heart started up again and they immediately put me on a ventilator, started me on very powerful drugs to keep me comfortable, but not quite in a drug induced coma. I was sent up to the ICU and stayed there for about 4 days. Chris and my mom were with me that day, and my doctor pulled them aside and told them what happened. My doctor told both of them that he wasn't sure if I'd wake up, or if when I did wake up, if I would have any brain damage. Chris stayed with me the entire time I was in the hospital. We joke about it now, but I always say "If he didn't leave me when I died on him, I think I've locked him in." He was ready and willing to stay with me even if I did have brain damage. At that point I knew he was the most wonderful man I had ever met, and I just want to spend the rest of my life with him.

May 14 2016 was Chris and my 3 year anniversary. We didn't have much to do that day and we didn't make any plans, so he ended up coming over later in the day. He arrived at my house with a dozen red roses and a wrapped present. I put the roses in a vase with water right away, and went to open my present. At this point we were in the kitchen, and when I started to open it he said "No wait, go in the living room where your mom is." We went and sat down on the couch and I opened my present, and it was a picture book that read "The Story Of Us" and had pictures of us throughout our relationship with special lyrics under the pictures. The last page was quite a special surprise! It read "Andrea, Will You Marry Me?" With a photo of my engagement ring! I was absolutely shocked! No one had expected him to propose. The first thing I said was "Really? Are you serious?" All while crying my eyes out. When I looked up at him he was holding my ring. I took it from him and put it right on my finger. He eventually asked me "So, is that a yes?" And I said "Of course it's a yes!" And jumped on him crying and hugging and kissing him. We are getting married!

Through all of my health problems and all the crap I put him through emotionally with my health problems, he still loves me. He still chose me. He chose to be with me forever. If that isn't a stand up guy I don't know what is. And for that, I will love him forever and always.

I've dated my fair share of guys who just couldn't handle my health problems. They just didn't understand and started to back away when things got hard. I'm a firm believer of being completely upfront and honest with people about my illness, so I've always told anyone who tried to be in a relationship with me the good and the bad things. Most of them ran away quite quickly, and some of them were just very intrigued, but not ready for that kind of commitment. Finding someone who is willing to take on a "sick person" in a relationship is hard, but it's also very selfless. Hell, it's hard in general to find the right person, but it is doubly as hard when you're sick. I got extremely lucky to find Chris. He is quite older than me, and I believe that's why we get along so well. When you've been sick as long as I have, you tend to grow up very quickly.

We do have a date in mind for our wedding, and it's not until 2018. We don't want to have to rush to plan everything, and who knows, maybe I'll get the call for a kidney transplant before then!

Thank you all for reading! I hope I have inspired people to keep looking for that perfect special someone. It CAN happen! 😊